Days 28 - 31 - Four weeks on

 


Four weeks in and things are still going well. I'm able to drive, meet up with friends for breakfast, go shopping, go for a walk. I'm getting more confident being out of the house, but I still wear pads and need to be aware of toilet times and where the public toilets are. My volumes are going up - not hugely but it's a positive trend. I'm working again and able to help people use the software that I'm a specialist in. I'm helping out around the house a lot more and am having to hold myself back from mowing the lawn or carting a washing basket out to the line. I'm even drinking beer again and have a 10l batch of homebrew fermenting and almost ready to bottle.

On the negative side I get tried very quickly when I do any of the above, but not enough to nap. So I'm often getting bored and frustrated. Worse I'm then grabbing my phone or tablet and doomscrolling or reading random clickbait articles, which is dropping into a bad habit that I want to break quickly. You know you have a problem when you not only watch four 'live recorded' Facebook videos from the same US tow truck driver but you read all the accompanying comments. I'm also still constipated and on stool softeners, still have regular rectal pain and abdominal pain and although I'm losing a little weight my body is feeling very flabby and underused. That weight loss may also go out the window as I've recently acquired a taste for pick-me-up snacks. 

Some of this could be the early symptoms of depression (something I've suffered from in the past) so I think I need to look beyond the surgery and start to look at my life more holistically. Build in some concrete professional and person goals, some healthier routines, more frequent movement and more time in the outside. 

It doesn't help that we're all hiding in air-con at the minute due to the disgusting humidity out there, but I feel like I've partly emerged from a period of hibernation, slumber and recuperation but I'm not quite ready or able to take the next steps. Or even plan what those next steps are... 

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