It's not all about the erection...

Writing my last post was cathartic and gave me the chance to think about things in a more objective manner. And one thing that's been nagging me ever since is the focus on erections as the primary driver when it comes to sexual relations. I think that this is a by-product of the treatment plans, which are focussed on different ways to regain your erection, and for me I took this mental preoccupation into the bedroom as well. When things worked well I was happy, and when they didn't (ie the first 9 months post surgery) I was despondent.

The truth of course is that there are many different ways to bring pleasure to both yourself and to your partner without the ability to maintain an erection. In fact I'd assume that you won't be able to maintain an erection for around 6-8 months and plan around it so that you can still enjoy each others company sexually. I won't go into any specifics because it's a very personal thing, but I'd suggest discussing this with your partner pre-surgery and even trying out some of the things that you discuss. That may also mean thinking outside of the 'both partners reach orgasm every time' paradigm. If things pick up more quickly, there is no loss! 

Relaxation is also a very important factor - if you have holidays then schedule in some relaxed cuddle time. If you have kids then get them safely out of the house for a few hours so you're not worrying about them returning. Learn to luxuriate in your body both as it is and as it will be.  

Finally don't just think sexually but emotionally as well. Talk through your feelings and emotions with your partner so they know where you are at and what to do to help you. And don't underestimate the benefits of a flesh to flesh cuddle, a nap in the middle of the day or a shared shower after time on the beach.

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